Welcome to the D&D Mattress Home Page!

Thank you for visiting D&D Mattress on the World Wide Web! Since 1983, D&D has been Hollywood's most trusted name in wholesale sleep. We are not the biggest mattress store. We are not the cheapest. But we are here, and we have mattresses.

Every D&D mattress is developed in-house by our experienced staff, sometimes for years, before it ever reaches a showroom. Many never do. That's how you know we care.

What's New at D&D

NEW! OVERALL DEALS on all floor models! Everything must go somewhere.
NEW! Ask about our FIRST-LIE-DOWN DEAL for qualified retailers.
The 1998 models are in development. (They have been in development since 1994.)

★ BLOWOUT SALE ★

HURRY! THIS SALE ENDS IN:

00DAYS00HRS00MIN00SEC

WE ARE OUT OF TIME!!

Sale ended 08/24/79. No rainchecks. Nobody saw it coming.

The D&D Tag

↑ Every D&D mattress carries this tag. Please do not ~~click~~ remove it.

You are visitor number since 03/15/97

BEST VIEWED WITH
EYES CLOSED

MADE IN
AMERICA

The Signature Collection

Six mattresses. That's all we make. We would rather do six things right than a hundred things the way the big stores do them. ALL PRICES WHOLESALE. Tax, title and delivery extra. Firmness may vary from showroom model.

Fig. 1	THE SPEC™ We built this one without anybody asking us to. Nobody has bought it yet. We believe in it. Inquire within. Firmness: Hopeful MAKE OFFER
Fig. 2	THE COLD OPEN™ Cooling gel top. Grabs you in the first two minutes or you are free to walk out. Firmness: Medium $399
Fig. 3	THE REWRITE™ We took everything out of this mattress and put it all back in a slightly different order. Customers say it feels fresher. It is the same mattress. Covers available in White, Blue, Pink, Yellow, Green and Goldenrod (in that order). Firmness: Subject to change ~~$349$379$329~~$365
Fig. 4	THE ITHACA™ Frame hand-carved from a living olive tree. CANNOT BE MOVED. Delivery not available. If anyone tells you this bed has been moved, they are testing you. Firmness: Faithful NO PAYMENTS FOR 20 YEARS!
Fig. 5	THE POMPEII™ EXTRA FIRM. Our exclusive Ash-Layer™ technology preserves your exact sleeping position for up to 2,000 years. Runs warm. Firmness: Extra firm (permanent) $79 (LXXIX)
Fig. 6	THE TURNAROUND™ Fully flippable! We don't actually have this one anymore. Another store does. We are working very hard to get it back. Firmness: Both sides COST + INTEREST

As-Is Corner (All Sales Final)

Fig. 7

“THE VARIANT”

The People's Choice. Factory second. Deviates from the approved design. No returns, no refunds, no resets.

Firmness: Depends which one you get

60% OFF

D&D Programs

PILOT PROGRAM: Take home one (1) mattress. If it tests well, we will order nine (9) more. If it doesn't, you will never hear from us again.
PUT IT ON OPTION: Can't decide? Put any mattress ON OPTION for 18 months with a small deposit. Renewable once. After that it goes back on the floor and we both pretend this never happened.
NET POINTS: Earn NET POINTS with every purchase! Net points have no cash value and, to the best of our knowledge, have never been redeemed by anyone.
FULL COVERAGE: Every mattress ships with two pages of coverage. Most receive a CONSIDER.

Coming for 1998

MODEL 98-A

MODEL 98-B

MODEL 98-C

STILL IN THE PLASTIC. We can't talk about these yet. Our lawyer said. Check back.

About D&D

Our Story

D&D Mattress was founded in 1983 on a simple idea: people need somewhere to dream, and somebody should be selling it to them wholesale.

Before opening D&D, our owner spent nearly ten years in management at a much bigger store across town. (You know the one. With the mouse.) He learned a lot there. Then he left to do his own thing. We still carry some of their product.

Today our owner is what they call in the trade a “hyphenate.” He WRITES the price tags, PRODUCES the mattresses, and DIRECTS you to a good night's sleep.

Our Staff

Scanned snapshot of the owner, Kevin R. Wright, standing on the showroom floor, hair on end, between stacks of plastic-wrapped mattresses. At his feet a small scruffy terrier in a plaid bandana stands up on his hind legs, grinning at the camera. Day-glo price signs read $79, $365 and $399. On the wood-panelled wall behind them a banner reads NO SAGGY MIDDLES, and sags in the middle. Camera date stamp: 3 14 97. — **OUR OWNER**, Kevin R. Wright, personally sleep-tests every mattress. Photo taken shortly after testing.
Click for larger picture (23K)

judy.jpg

JUDY, front desk.
Click for larger picture (0K)

The D&D Guarantee: No Saggy Middles

Mattresses are tough. Some are seemingly built for no one. Others start strong and fall apart in the middle. Not ours. Every D&D Mattress has a firm beginning, a middle that just gets better by the minute, and an ending you won't see coming. After coming to D&D you'll wonder why you ever settled for less.

Our Process

Every D&D mattress starts as an idea on an index card. From there it is outlined, broken, re-broken, stuffed, re-stuffed and sent out for notes. We welcome all notes. We do not implement all notes.

Store Hours

Monday - Friday	10 - 4ish
Saturday	CLOSED
Sunday	ALSO CLOSED
Pilot season	INQUIRE
Hiatus	CALL FIRST

The showroom lights are on a timer. If you see someone standing in the showroom after hours, that is the timer.

Frequently Asked Questions

What does “D&D” stand for?: Everybody asks this.
Do you deliver?: Yes. We keep to a strict timeline. Deviations from the timeline are not tolerated.
What is your warranty?: For all time. Always.* (*90 days.)
Can I give you notes on my mattress?: Yes! All notes are welcome and will be addressed in the next draft.
Do you really accept frequent flyer miles?: Yes. One gentleman paid entirely in miles. He had bought a great deal of pudding. It is a long story and honestly a pretty good one.
Are you difficult to work with?: No. Who told you that?
Whose harmonium is that out front?: Why, is it yours?
Are there sleep experiments going on in the back of the store?: No. Nobody is being paid $50 to sleep back there. If you woke up in the back, that was a nap. We run a legitimate business.
Is this a front?: This is a mattress store. It has a front, a back, and a loading dock.

Sign Our Guestbook!

Your Name: Hometown: Comments:

Judy reads every entry. Management reserves the right to reply.

Penelope from Ithaca, NY wrote on 11/02/98:

Husband was away on business for 20 years. When he finally got home I told him I'd had the bed moved. He got VERY upset. That's how I knew it was really him. Thank you D&D!!

lost_in_aisle_6 wrote on 09/19/98:

I have been in the showroom for some time now. Every aisle leads back to the Ithaca. Please advise.

MGMT REPLY: Someone will be with you shortly.

Pliny (the younger one) from Misenum wrote on 08/24/98:

Watched the whole thing from across the bay. Would not recommend the area. Mattress held up fine.

A Concerned Customer wrote on 06/03/98:

My mattress was delivered two days BEFORE I ordered it. Not complaining but you may want to look into that.

MGMT REPLY: We are aware of the variance. It has been handled.

Barry from Sherman Oaks, CA wrote on 02/11/98:

Do you still take the miles? I have a lot of them. Also somebody left a harmonium in front of your store.

Gary from Reseda, CA wrote on 12/01/97:

Mattress had a saggy middle. D&D fixed my second act right up. A+++ would sleep again

anonymous wrote on 10/30/97:

is this a front

MGMT REPLY: No.

Judy wrote on 03/15/97:

Testing testing. Is this on. How do I delete this

How To Find Us

Visit Our Showroom

Take the freeway to the exit. Left at the light. We are behind the building that used to be the other building. If you see a harmonium on the curb, you're here.

Call, Fax or E-Mail

PHONE: (818) 555-0179. Ask for the Mattress Man.
FAX: Same number. Please yell “FAX” first so we know.
E-MAIL: NEW! business@ddmattress.com. Judy's nephew finally got it working.

IMPORTANT NOTICE: D&D Mattress is NOT AFFILIATED with any 1-900 numbers. If you received a call, it was not us. We run a legitimate business.

UNSOLICITED MATTRESS POLICY: D&D Mattress does not accept unsolicited mattresses. Any mattress sent to us without a signed release will be returned unopened. All mattress inquiries must come through a licensed representative.

Trade Inquiries

Agents, managers, attorneys, development executives, studio and network buyers, and other retailers: please use the back office. Employees know where the door is. (It's small. Bottom of the page. Sounds like snoring.)

Buyers from the big chains are always welcome on the floor. Lie down on anything. We know you are “just looking.” Everybody is just looking. We validate.

Judy's Favorite Links

Judy keeps this page. Management is not responsible for the content of other home pages, or for Judy.

Television

alt.tv.twin-peaks: Still going. Nobody there has moved on and neither have I.news:alt.tv.twin-peaks
Wrapped in Plastic: A magazine about the above. No relation to our 1998 models.http://www.wrappedinplastic.com/~wip/index.html
alt.tv.x-files: Judy believes about half of it.news:alt.tv.x-files
The X-Files Episode Guide: Plain text. Takes four minutes to download. Worth it.ftp://ftp.rutgers.edu/pub/x-files/episode-guide.txt
The Adventures of Pete & Pete Page: The strongest man in the world lives in the suburbs. So does Judy.http://www.wellsville.edu/~krebstar/petepete.html
alt.tv.nickelodeon: For the above, until somebody starts alt.tv.pete-and-pete.news:alt.tv.nickelodeon
The Internet Movie Database: Every movie ever made and everyone who worked on them. Judy looked somebody up once. It was all true.http://www.imdb.com/name/nm3126753/

Funny Books

rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe: Judy reads it for the brother. Not the one with the hammer.news:rec.arts.comics.marvel.universe
The Office at the End of Time: A fan page about the comic-book office that manages all of time. It is mostly paperwork. Judy finds it relaxing.http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Vault/1372/
The Norse Mythology FAQ: Question 14 is about the trickster. The answer is: it depends who you ask.ftp://rtfm.mit.edu/pub/usenet/soc.culture.nordic/norse-faq

Strange & Wonderful

The Trojan Room Coffee Pot: A camera pointed at a coffee pot in England. It is usually empty. I check every morning.http://www.cl.cam.ac.uk/coffee/coffee.html
The Amazing Fish Cam: Fish, live. The picture updates every few minutes. The fish do not know.http://home.netscape.com/fishcam/fishcam.html
finger coke@cs.cmu.edu: Tells you how many sodas are in a machine in Pittsburgh, and whether they are cold yet.finger coke@cs.cmu.edu
The Useless Pages: Exactly what it says.http://www.primus.com/staff/paulp/useless.html
Ong's Hat: A town in New Jersey that may be a door. Judy is not saying it is. Judy is not saying it isn't.gopher://gopher.well.sf.ca.us/00/ongshat/incunabula.txt
Time Cube: A man explains time. Judy has read it four times.http://www.timecube.com/timecube.html
alt.folklore.urban: Most of it is not true. Some of it is about mattresses.news:alt.folklore.urban

History

The Pompeii Forum Project: Archaeologists measuring a town square very carefully. On the Web since May 1994. Judy respects this.http://jefferson.village.virginia.edu/pompeii/page-1.html
The Pompeii Survivors Project: A professor is looking for the ones who got out. He has found some. They moved up the coast and did not talk about it.http://www.classics.cumae.edu/~survivors/
Pliny's Letters: Two letters from a man who watched it from across the bay. See also: our Guestbook.ftp://ftp.std.com/obi/Pliny/letters.txt
The Perseus Project: Homer, in Greek and English. Judy is on Book 23.http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/Homer/

Sleep

alt.dreams: People describing their dreams to strangers. You may recognize one.news:alt.dreams
alt.dreams.lucid: For when you know.news:alt.dreams.lucid

D&D Elsewhere on the Internet

Our Gopher Server: The catalog in plain text, for customers without Mosaic.gopher://gopher.ddmattress.com:70/1/catalog
Our FTP Site: Price lists. Log in as anonymous and give your e-mail address as the password. We do look.ftp://ftp.ddmattress.com/pub/mattress/
finger judy@ddmattress.com: To see if Judy is at her desk.finger judy@ddmattress.com
MATTRESS-L: Our mailing list. To subscribe, send the word SUBSCRIBE to Judy. To unsubscribe, you can't.

Loading applet...

Our mattress at the lake. Judy's nephew made this. (Requires Java.)

To suggest a link, tell Judy. Links are checked monthly.*
*They are not.

On-Line Ordering

UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Our on-line ordering system is in development. We have a very exciting draft. We are currently out to directors.

In the meantime, please order the old-fashioned way: come in, lie down, and let's talk.

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Apache/1.2.4 Server at www.ddmattress.com Port 80

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NOT FOR CUSTOMERS

INT. D&D MATTRESS - BACK OFFICE - NIGHT

A couple of desks, filing cabinets, posters of CARS, a corkboard buried in index cards. A stale coffee maker.

THE OWNER behind one of the desks. He looks surprised.

THE OWNER

Oh, you found the door. And probably figured out we don't make mattresses.

He lets that settle.

THE OWNER (CONT'D)

DDMattress, Inc. is a film and television company. Just me, actually. Writing. Producing. Directing.

(beat)

If you're here on real business:

business@ddmattress.com

Deals go through my attorney.

A business card slides across the desk.

INSERT - BUSINESS CARD

LAUREN BISHOW Frankfurt Kurnit Klein + Selz t: (310) 579-9609 f: (424) 901-0534 LBishow@fkks.com

BACK TO SCENE

THE OWNER (CONT'D)

And if you just stumbled back here, the Spec is still available. Let's make a deal.

CUT TO:

THE SHOWROOM /

ACT TWO: ???

What does the mattress WANT?

EVER DREAM THIS MATTRESS? A grainy photocopy of a mattress

People who have never been in our store describe it exactly. Same quilting. Same tag. If you have slept on this mattress without buying it, call us. We just want to talk.

NO SAGGY MIDDLES

The bed can't be moved. WHY can't it be moved?

79. Everyone's asleep. Then:

call Judy back